On the Events Happening in University Bike Rallies and the Extreme Dangers of Beauty

I mentioned before that I joined the University bike club, and as a result I ended up going on several rides with them, and I learnt a lot, mostly about my bike going wrong. On one ride the screws on the side of the engine vibrated loose enough that the damned thing dumped oil on the road, and I needed to walk to the nearest garage for more, and on others all sorts of smaller bits fell off, like foot pegs and indicators, but at that stage I was still learning the ropes, OK?

On one particular ride down to the south coast, the silencer fell off. Yes, that big old chrome thing on the back fell right off. I would say that the exhaust note immediately got a lot better! However, I was going through Taunton I think, so this happened in front of a lot of people. One enterprising chap shouted. ‘Mate, You’ve lost your exhaust!’ Words to that effect at least. 

Well, duh. Yes, the huge clanging sound and the change in exhaust note were slight clues as to what had happened. I had, in point of fact, attained a basic understanding of recent events.

However, he then tried to be helpful and picked the thing up. 

Let’s just say that didn’t go well. At all. 

‘Damn and blast!’ he said. 

Actually, this gentleman kindly taught me all sorts of new words and considerably expanded my vocabulary; He impugned my parentage, sexual habits, intelligence and (at the very least) damned me to a very nasty afterlife having my gonads removed on a daily basis with blunt knives. In retrospect, it was all really quite creative. 

I did want to say something about picking up a hot exhaust being a generally bad idea, but I didn’t think that would go down too well. I just said ‘sorry mate’ and soused his hand with the bottle of water in my panniers. I don't know why I had one, to be honest. It wasn't to drink. I suspect that it was there just because if I didn't have water, I'd need it, even on an air-cooled bike! 

As I recovered from the absolute tirade of abuse, I waited for the exhaust to cool, got out of there with considerable dispatch. and made my way back home. Oh, I did love the exhaust note, but boy was the bike lumpier than 4 tonnes of school custard. Pity that.

Oh the remembered trauma of school custard!

On another one of these rides, my mate Martin and I were riding through Exmouth I think, on our way to Sandy Bay where the ride was going to start. He was on his CB400 and had learned to respect the power of Yellow Peril and no longer took the mickey out of my bike. (Some of the place details might be wrong by the way, we are talking a 40+-year-old memory here.)

What’s absolutely not wrong is that Miss Pulchritude 1981 was walking along the other side of the road. Oh, she was gorgeous! Given that it was a hot summer’s day she wasn’t wearing very much, and what she was wearing showed off her assets very much to best advantage. Sometimes it’s good to be young, right? Oh yes.

I had no idea that Miss Pulchritude was a thing btw. Here she is!

Well anyway, she was a head-turner and that’s literally what happened. Martin turned his head, let off a few ‘woohoo's’ (or words to that effect) unfortunately forgetting that the road ahead turned sharply left, whereupon he missed the turn and ended up pitching himself into a convenient passing hedge. 

‘It was worth it!’ He yelled, from the hedge, clearly none the worse for wear. ‘What are you doing tonight?!’ Well, I couldn’t blame him for trying, and at least she didn’t say ‘Washing my hair!’ which was (I’m sure) the response I’d have got. I think it was something like ‘I have a boyfriend!’ No surprises there, but she was laughing as she said it, and I have to admire Martin’s audacity. At that time I could absolutely not have done that!

Not quite 'in the hedge like this' but I liked it so it'll do!

The rest of the day passed without major incident, Martin was (fortunately) fine, his bike was undamaged and hadn’t hit him, so we both got a good story out of that which still makes me laugh, though it could have turned out much, much, worse. 

Footnote

Just so you know that these rides weren't all about things going wrong or ptotential accidents, I did have a lot of fun as well. One one of these is to do with this bike illustrated below

This is an image of a Morini 3 ½ stolen from Mark’s Sammy Miller Facebook post. I put it here because it was one of the most fun experiences I had on a bike while I was riding Yellow Peril. One of the guys at Uni had one of these and he let me take it out for a run. I had that lovely rider insurance that Norwich Union gave out in those days. 

After Yellow Peril, this was a revelation. A taut, over-designed chassis and a narrow frame meant you could do pretty much anything to this bike. I found the twistiest, most treacherous roads and it sailed round them with consummate ease. 

If only the gear-shift had been on the left and down and up like the bike I was used to!